Portland, Maine

Only three hours after breaking ground, local ten year-olds Justin and Dan have announced they will halt construction on their hole to China until further notice.

The hole, which was originally conceived to, “Go all the way through the middle of the world to China!” was a heavily contested project, drowning in red tape since its inception just 7 hours ago. Despite protest from Justin’s fourteen year-old sister, who said, “Dad told you not to play with the shovels”, the boys appeared initially undeterred. Two hours into the endeavor however, their progress significantly slowed after they simultaneously realized that, “…digging is sort of boring.” Shortly thereafter, Justin’s mother brought out PB&J sandwiches and orange slices and the project went into a recess.  

Though the passageway through Earth’s core would have opened new trade routes, questions of national security appeared to have gone seriously overlooked. A border patrol spokesman contacted for this article declined to comment, but clarified that they were not consulted during the preparation of Justin and Dan’s ambitious plan.

Additionally, the boys have yet to correct for the fact that a hole through the Earth’s core from Portland, Maine would emerge in the Indian Ocean, not China. Despite these glaring concerns, the floundering project did not come to a full halt until its fiercest critic, Justin’s father, argued, “Damn it Justin, stop digging holes in our yard.”  

When the two pioneers were asked what their plans were after the hole, Justin shrugged, “I don’t know, Dan has to be picked up by his Mom soon,” and ran inside.