On the 151st anniversary of President Lincoln’s assassination, the historic Lincoln Memorial has announced plans to add a bar and grill to the national monument, making it the first presidential memorial ever to do so. The bar, which will be arranged by a 40 person congressional committee with a budget of approximately $1 billion dollars, will be named “Abe and Babes”.

Despite fiery criticism and intense public debate, the bar will be built into the chair of President Lincoln’s historic statue. Funding for this project was created by the controversial decision to expand average D.C. public school classes to 45 students.

Lobbyists have already begun producing a slew of promotional material in preparation for the bar’s grand opening next October. Billboards and newspaper ads can be found throughout the DC area with slogans like: “All fun, no Booths”, “Emancipate yourself from the 9-5”, and “It’s time to unite our country… with a drink at Lincoln’s.”

Tom Withers, chairman of the Lincoln Memorial Board, described the inspiration for the bar and grill, “We kept asking ourselves, is this a site we’d want to visit , and frankly the answer was ‘no’”. Withers claimed that the excessive numbers of 8th graders on field trips and lack of ‘fun’ attractions were the primary inspiration for the bar and grill. “The solution is simple, put a bar and grill in the foot of the Lincoln memorial.”

Though the construction team isn’t expected to break ground until next year, Withers has already planned weekly promotions for the bar, including “Moonshine Mondays” and “UFC Tuesdays”. Nebraska Senator, Samuel Fischer, praised the addition, saying, “What better way to celebrate the man who made America what it is today than with a whole mess of boneless wings and UFC? He created the 13th amendment, and now we get to make an amendment to his chair.”