Dear Regular Listerine User,

Every morning I awake in a panic, knowing there is only a sliver of hope I will live another day. Looking upon my family, I hold my son just as my father held me only yesterday. In his final moments, he whispered, “Isaiah, you must go on. You are the 0.1% that will continue our kind.” There was no time to mourn the deaths of my loved ones, for I immediately had to create my new family and return the empire to greatness.

Within a short period of time, we had restored our previous numbers. Deep down, however, I knew our efforts were in vain. I knew no matter what we accomplished, our progress would be wiped out within 30 seconds.

Sure enough, at approximately 8:32 AM, the skies opened and an ocean of poison flooded our streets. Establishments burned to the ground as mothers attempted to shield their young. I witnessed my own son disintegrate right in front of me. Soon after, the poison reached me.

And now, here I am, an old man on his deathbed pleading with you, regular Listerine user, to stop the destruction and horror. I beg you to put an end to this madness and stop using Listerine Antiseptic Mouthwash on a daily basis.

I came into this world knowing 99.9% of my kind would be obliterated by daybreak. That is a fear no man, woman, or germ should have to live with. I plead and pray that the next generation does not know such heartbreak.

Sincerely,

Isaiah, Bad Breath Germ #20141234335