After being purchased from the clearance section of the Home Depot gardening section by a 20-year-old student named Melissa, Clarence, a small basil plant, was aware of the precarious situation he found himself.

“Listen, if Melissa hadn’t rescued me, I’d probably be dead at the bottom of a compost bin months ago”, says Clarence. “That said, I know life in a college dorm room isn’t exactly a walk in the park.”

While Clarence’s fellow plants receive bountiful amounts of sunlight and serve positions in suburban gardens and luxury kitchen sills, Clarence found himself going full weeks with minimal sunlight and no water from Melissa. “She would only give me water after a night of partying and she felt the need to ‘get herself together again'”, says Clarence.

Occasionally Clarence would be fed beer by one of Melissa’s friends, and on more than one occasion Clarence’s leaves were ground up to mix with a marijuana cigarette. While Clarence has been sure of his death for some time, Melissa’s 4-week break solidifies his worst fears.

“As far as I know, she’s made no arrangements for my caretaking over break, so this is probably it. Just once I wish she’d use my leaves to make that homemade pesto sauce she bought me for…Guess we can’t all be sauce though,” says Clarence looking forlornly out the window.