After a 6000-year tenure reign, Lucifer announced he will relinquish his reigns as master of the Underworld. The long awaited announcement sent ripples through the Satanist community as Hell comes off a record quarter for growth. With Lucifer stepping down, major questions are left unanswered including: Who will create major natural disasters? Who will convince impressionable young men to sell
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The sun was just beginning to set as paramedics assisted Marcus Alvarez to an ambulance just outside Clara Dixon dormitory. The emergency; being too high. The Rochester freshman reportedly called 911 on himself after using marijuana for the first time. Though his roommates assured authorities he only took one “hit”, or one standard dose of marijuana, Alverez convinced himself that
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Despite only making up about 4.5% of the world’s population, the US is one of the largest consumers of clean water in the world, consuming almost 4 trillion gallons of clean water per month. Making matters worse, an estimated 95% of water used in the average household gets wasted. But where does all that water go? Leaky faucets? Burst pipes?
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After months of contentious negotiations, retired NBA superstar Kobe Bryant has purchased the rights to the Air Bud franchise from Universal Studios and announced plans to revamp the series with more personal plotlines. Bryant stated, “We all know Air Bud’s a star on the court, but what about off it? What happens when he comes to grips with the fact
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Portland, Maine Only three hours after breaking ground, local ten year-olds Justin and Dan have announced they will halt construction on their hole to China until further notice. The hole, which was originally conceived to, “Go all the way through the middle of the world to China!” was a heavily contested project, drowning in red tape since its inception just 7
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Two nights ago, 12-year-old John Milani felt a cool, tingling sensation on his neck as he played Tiny Wings on his phone while laying in bed. However, to the disappointment of Bernie, a ghost who has been attempting to haunt Milani in recent weeks, the young boy simply assumed a window had been left ajar and continued to play his
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The Common Friend 