With only one day left until Thanksgiving, Hooch, the 23-day-old mustache that sits atop 21-year-old Bobby Clements’ upper lip, methodically prepares for what will be the biggest hurdle in his career thus far. As he puffs himself up and tries to reach maximize surface area and volume, he knows what is at stake; none of Bobby Clements’ mustaches have ever made it past Thanksgiving.

Though tragic, the tale is all too common – young men confidently growing out facial hair only to find their courage replaced with adolescent insecurity when in the presence of family.

Clements is no stranger to this trope. In 2015, Clements abruptly aborted his 18-day-old mustache after his older brother suggested, “It looks like someone glued a bunch of pubic hair to your face.” The previous year, Clements broke down and shaved his mustache while attending a Bat Mitzvah in Scarsdale, NY when a mother mandated he must stand at least 50 feet from all minors and would not be allowed to participate in the Hora.

And yet, despite Clements’ history, Hooch remains composed and confident. “2016 has been a year of anomalies,” says Hooch, “The Chicago Cubs winning the World Series. Donald Trump for President. We’re no different. We have what it takes to make it past Thanksgiving.”

Though Hooch’s talk may sound whimsical, his history with Clements tells a story of unseen love and devotion. After only three days of growth, Clements personified the mustache and named him Hooch in hopes of instilling confidence in the sinewy mustache. Despite being called ‘Merv the Perv’ by close friends, Clements continued to nurture and care for Hooch.

In return, Hooch worked around the clock to become the mustache he felt Clements deserved. With only three days notice, Hooch was able to cover unseemly patchy areas in time for Clements’ date night. When Clements slept, Hooch would produce night-over-night growth unseen since Burt Reynolds mustache, Fredrico.

And while Clements girlfriend still refuses to touch him in the presence of Hooch, the team feels prepared to take on any challenge thrown their way.

“Will I be publicly ostracized?” says Clements as he shaves his 5’oclock shadow to maximize Hooch’s appearance, “Perhaps. But does a man who personifies his own mustache and refers to himself in the third person really care? Not this time…”, he says beaming at Hooch.

Whether the team’s optimism is appropriate pride or just hubris, only time will tell.

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